There is a lot of pressure and the pressure could make you feel intimidated. In those cases, you are intimidated by the scenario not by the person. I have definitely been nervous on my first meeting with some of my celebrity clients and after ten minutes I take a breathe and remember that they hired me for a reason and to pull it together.
I think if you look away it will show you are intimidated or uncomfortable. I also have a rule, 'I only work with nice people. They see this woman as 'having it all. Women should celebrate their success. In my business, I have met and worked with people from all walks of life and I love making new connections. If I ever felt intimidated, I would show someone kindness and a huge smile. If we made a connection, I would make her feel more at ease through humor and see if there is any way I could help.
It also means that you're likely surrounding yourself with the wrong people. Because the right people will only continue to empower you, and if they're trying to diminish you or shame you for being 'intimidating' ….
I think I've gotten it in every area of life as well. Business, dating, exercising, health, etc. I've learned now to recognize that as an indication that whoever is saying this to me is not aligned with who I am in the world. When someone tries to label you with a title—it's your choice whether or not to accept it.
Just because someone says you're intimidating does not mean you are intimidating. It means this person's perspective is different than yours. When I come upon someone who says I'm intimidating, it's not an indicator that I need to change who I am. It's an indicator that I need to attract different people in my life. Because whatever feelings I have about someone else are never about that person, they're about me. I go into meditation and begin to ask, 'What is it about this person that's bothering me?
It could be that I simply don't align with their energy or message. Even as skinny as I was then, you'd need at least three guys to feel confident confronting me. Yet something happened I did not anticipate: this 'scary vibe' backfired on me with women I thought women wouldn't be affected.
Why would they be? I'd never hurt anyone, and I loved women. I figured they'd be able to tell. Men are much bigger, tougher, faster, and stronger than women.
I read once about a woman who'd lifted weights and trained in kickboxing for a year. She put on muscle and got quite good at kickboxing. By the end of the year she felt confident she could fight off an attacker. So she asked her boyfriend a skinny guy with no martial arts training to practice-fight with her. He overpowered her and pinned her to the ground in about 15 seconds. The woman realized no matter how skilled a fighter she became, or how much time she spent in the gym, even a thin male with no martial training could subdue her if he so chose to.
You would think a beautiful woman is safe. Who'd want to hurt a girl like her? Well, the truth is, a lot of men. You can go to sites like Best Gore and find countless pictures of beautiful women horrifically murdered by men. When a woman meets a man, that man could be anyone -- a random stranger who's indifferent to her and wants nothing from her; a charming Casanova with lustful, amorous intentions toward her; or a stonyhearted sociopath in search of easy prey.
She doesn't know whom any man she meets is. And here's the thing about that: the more vulnerable she feels, the more likely she is to pay attention to anything that might make her skittish. Among friends in a crowded bar where everyone is cheerful, she'll feel safe. On a popular shopping street by herself in broad daylight, she'll feel safe. But inevitably with dating and seduction, you have to get a girl alone with you.
You have to isolate her from other people because you're not going to have sex with her in front of her friends, right? And the further you get into isolation and private places, the more skittish women tend to be. Early on into my seduction career, I'd often have to spend a lot of time on phone calls with girls to get them out on dates. One girl I later slept with, when I asked her why she resisted going out with me for so long, told me she hadn't felt comfortable enough with me.
She'd proposed some group meetings instead, which I'd refused I'm not going to hang with a girl and a bunch of her friends usually , and she didn't feel she knew me well enough to meet me one-on-one. Once I had my 'too intimidating' problem fixed, I pretty much stopped running into this issue -- but before I fixed it, it was an issue I ran into repeatedly. My ex-Marine Corp friend, it turned out, had the same issue.
After he'd begin to kiss women at his place, they'd raise an objection He'd followed much of the seduction advice about last-minute resistance before: he'd done back turns, freeze outs, push-pull. He'd tried to get women to open up to him about their objections, then handle those objections. He tried letting women sleep over with him, to escalate later on into the night or in the morning.
He tried escalation marathons, where he spent at one point four hours straight trying to sleep with a girl. No matter what he did, girls kept their legs shut. This year, he's picked up many wonderful girls, taken them on wonderful dates, and whisked them back home to kiss and escalate.
It's clear from his descriptions many of these girls were very into him. But he grew so tired of the wall he hits when he goes for sex that now as soon as he runs into resistance that lasts longer than 30 minutes or so, he smiles and tells women "I think you should go. A few weeks back, he met a girl he really hit it off with. She was beautiful; her personality matched his to perfection; and she had pretty much everything he wanted in a wife at his age, at this point in his 40s, he's not interested in casual sex and just wants to find a great wife.
My friend took her on several wonderful dates, then invited her at her request to a talk he was giving, after which she just about swooned. At last he brought her to his place, kissed her -- and the same old resistance he kept running into, over and over, with every girl, popped up with this one too. She "needed more time to feel comfortable. But after about 30 minutes, when he took her to bed but she refused to let him go further, he asked her to leave, and she did.
Onto the next one , he said. But another friend and I were not so sure. It was obvious this girl really liked him, and was perfect for him. And he really liked her. He described her as 'wife material'.
Yet he thought there was just no way past that resistance, and decided that was it -- he was done with her. Couldn't we figure out what was going wrong with him for girls, and help him get this girl in spite of it? I had a hunch I knew what the issue was. Her objection to him was the same as many other girls' had been Before I get too into it, I should point out the sheer diversity of female personality types out there.
There are bold, fearless women, intimidated by almost nothing. There are paranoid, nervous women who tense up when even the most disarming man glances their way. And there is an enormous range of women in between these two. Further, circumstances will lend themselves to you being more or less intimidating. Approach a girl surrounded by her friends at a festive Mardi Gras celebration and even if you're a scowling hulk it'll be hard for her to feel intimidated.
Meanwhile, open her from behind on a dark, lonely road when she's all by herself late at night, and even if you're Mr. Rogers she may jump out of her skin. When you look for signs you intimidate women, you must be careful not to let outlier women and circumstances skew your view.
What you're looking for are patterns that occur with a broad cross section of women, regardless of circumstance. The first sign a girl's intimidated will generally be in her speech. She might speak softer and might speak less. There are other times women grow quiet though -- like when they're turned on and ready to move things for the next step. You need more than this one sign. Next you may notice she closes off her body language and shrinks the space she takes up. She might do this a lot; she might do it a little.
She might put her hands in her lap and fold them, as if protecting her torso and groin. She might draw her knees together and cross her ankles, another protective stance. Her chin may tuck down a bit, guarding her neck. She might turn her body somewhat away from you, shielding more of her torso. When she speaks, she may pause more before she answers, and you can tell she's considering her words.
She doesn't want to say the wrong thing -- something that might offend you, upset you, or set you off. If you pay attention to her body position, you might notice she keeps herself between you and the exit. She tries not to let herself get into a position where you block her way out. She may start to give excuses for herself to depart.
Or she may just use lighter protests, that voice her true feelings: "I don't feel completely comfortable with that yet" or " It doesn't feel right to me. However, if you see multiple of these signs, and if you see them often, you may well have an intimidation problem.
Many guys start to chase when they see these signs. They realize something is wrong and the girl feels uncomfortable, and if they don't fix things some way -- any way -- she is going to leave. Of course, once you start to chase, it's over. Thus, if you catch yourself chasing that may be a signal girls feel intimidated around you.
You don't have to chase if they aren't leaving. There are other reasons men chase such as women simply losing interest in them , of course. So you must look at multiple signs.
Another sign is the opposite of chasing -- dismissal. If you find yourself getting annoyed or disgusted with women and dismissing them, intimidation may be the cause. Men can get annoyed when they hit walls with women they can't overcome, and one of the more common walls is the intimidation wall, where women just are not comfortable enough. I've dealt with this in the past. Like my ex-Marine Corp friend, I've had women I had a wonderful time with, a great connection, lots of flirtation, only to have them clam up once I began to escalate to sex When I've gone back and done a post-mortem on evenings like this, I usually realize comfort was the problem.
The girl felt too intimidated during the escalation to sex. Sometimes I've felt a little bad later for kicking girls like this out The bad news is it's like learning to be sexy or to be edgy.
It takes a certain amount of time and a certain degree of focus. When you are intimidating, it's never due to one or two things you do.
It's due to the entire way you present yourself: to your vibe, behavior, movement, facial expressions, communication style; the works. If a man thinks "Well I can't be a tough guy so I guess I've got to be a suck up" he does understand his situation.
Harry intimidates when you see him. He smiles -- he's not a bad guy -- but you can sense behind his smile he's reserved, tough, and his outer shell is hard to crack. His movements are broad and extremely deliberate. He talks to you, but you don't get the feeling he connects all that fully with what you're saying.
You get the sense if you say something he does not like, he'll judge you. Nice guy Brian completely disarms when you see him. He gives you a big, friendly smile, and behind that smile you sense he really just wants you to like him. He moves in a way that is self-conscious and considerate. He talks to you, and hangs rapt on your every word, to the point where you can tell he's consciously trying to connect with you even when you don't try very hard in the conversation. You get the sense you could say anything to him and he'd agree with you and try to show some kind of commonality with you on it.
Steve puts you at ease at once around him, though you still sense he's powerful. He smiles at you, and it's a comfortable smile, yet firm -- you can tell he's open-minded, yet still has his own opinions on things. They want to feel like they have the upper hand.
This leads to less offers for good women — but the offers tend to be higher quality. The guy in question stammers, blushes, or seems abnormally tense around you. These are classic signs of a poor guy being flustered in front of a girl.
You may want to be gentle with him. You catch guys looking at you, then quickly looking away when you notice them. Generally speaking, if men tell you this, you should listen to them.
He flew off the handle when he heard how many partners you slept with. It only shows how inexperienced and insecure he is around you. Guys tend to flash cash or otherwise act crazy around you. When guys do this, they like you a lot and are seeking validation.
So many men, so many hospital bills.
0コメント